


The Four Stages of Emily Prentiss' Sexuality

by phoenixprentiss



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixprentiss/pseuds/phoenixprentiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm straight, Penelope. You know that." "Whatever you say, Em."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

1\. Heterosexual  
“What is it you wanted to talk about, Pen?”

“Ah, yes. Well, I guess I’ll just do it the easy way.” Penelope Garcia paused, looking at Emily. “I’m pansexual. And NO, that does NOT mean I am attracted to pans. It means I can feel attraction to anyone of any gender.”

Emily smiled. “That’s really cool, Penelope.”

“What about you?” Penelope asked. 

“What about me?”

“Your sexual orientation,” Penelope inquired, cocking her head at Emily and looking at her curiously. “What are you, Emily?”

“What? I’m straight, Penelope. You know that.” Emily replied, confused as to why the blonde was so interested.

Penelope wiggled her eyebrows. “Whatever you say, Em.”

“Well, Penelope, you’ve certainly gone crazy. Now I’m going to leave you alone, so you keep being sexually attracted to pans.” Emily replied, standing up to leave the perky blonde’s office.

“Everyone’s a little gay, Emily.”

“Sure, Pen. You have a good night.”

Emily gathered her belongings from her own desk after leaving Penelope’s office and drove home, all while thinking about Penelope’s words. Everyone’s a little gay, Emily.

Emily shook her head. No, everyone’s not a little gay. I’m not, because I’m straight. I don’t feel sexual attraction to women. She tried to shake Penelope’s words out of her head, but they stuck there like glue.

She knew if she thought about it for any longer, it would end up bothering her until the end of time, and she had other, more important things to worry about.

She laid back in bed, whispering to herself, “You’re straight, Emily.” And she fell asleep, not once thinking about it again that night.

Over the next few weeks, she found herself still thinking about Penelope’s words. “You’re straight. You know that.” She’d say to herself over and over when her eyes would linger on a woman’s cleavage for just a second too long. “Jesus, Emily, its nothing to get super worked up about. It’s just a sexual orientation.”

Emily started being in a small constant state of unease over this. One part of her didn’t care about labels; she just wanted to be able to have feelings without having to put a name to them or herself. Labels are stupid, she thought. But another, stronger part of her mind wanted so desperately for there to be an explanation or a definition for what she felt. She wanted to easily be able to say, “I’m ____,” If someone asked.

But unfortunately, her mind just couldn’t work like that.

And just like that, she couldn’t be sure anymore.

2\. Heteroflexible

If one were to look at Emily Prentiss’ computer history, all they would see was a long list of pride websites.

She was so confused.

‘Bisexual with a preference for men’ seemed to work at one time, but moments later she decided, she wasn’t bisexual. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wasn’t straight.

Emily had grown up in a household where not being heteronormative was looked down upon, and some of those feelings she grew up around still stuck in her mind. She knew that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, or bisexual for that matter, but something inside just made her just feel generally uncomfortable about it.

She was scrolling through yet another list of different sexuality and gender identities, but this one had definitions. Instantly intrigued, she read through and through.

One caught her eye.

Heteroflexible: one who is predominantly attracted to the opposite gender/sex, but may be attracted to other genders/sexes on occasion.

“That’s me,” Emily said out loud even though she was alone. 

Pride and happiness filled Emily along with tears forming in her eyes. There’s a label to what I feel.

The next day at work, the first thing she did was go straight to Penelope’s office, bursting in without warning.

“How are your pans?” Emily asked, hoping her happiness wasn’t gushing out like it seemed to be.

Penelope rolled her eyes but said, “They’re just fine, thank you. Now stop saying that before I actually hit you with one.”

Emily laughed, and then replied with, “I have something to tell you.”

“You’re not straight!” Penelope exclaimed hopefully.

Emily ignored this and said, “I’ve been heavily questioning my sexuality.”

“I knew it! What have you figured out?”

“I’m heteroflexible.” Emily replied after taking a deep breath.

“So you’re still straight.” Penelope seemed almost disappointed.

“Ah, but don’t forget the flexible,”

Penelope raised her eyebrows. “Whatever you say, Em.”

Sighing, Emily exited the office. There was something indefinitely strange about Penelope Garcia.

3\. Bisexual

It was another girl’s night, on a cool Friday evening. They’d finally finished the case and the plane hadn’t landed until after midnight, so Emily, JJ, and Penelope decided just to spend it in with a couple of chick flicks, fake-tasting buttered popcorn, and drinks.

Their second movie had just ended, and JJ yawned and leaned back, her head resting in Emily’s lap. JJ stared right up at Emily’s chin, and Emily looked right back down into the deep blue eyes of Jennifer Jareau. “Why do these always end with the couple leaning in for a kiss and it fading out to black?” JJ sighed. Penelope had jumped up as soon as the movie ended and was already putting in the disc for the third. The cheery opening credits started, and Emily watched JJ roll her eyes.

JJ sat up after that, but Emily couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually have a girlfriend, when she realized, Heteroflexible is too confusing.

She’d finally opened up enough and accepted herself to be able to think: I‘m bisexual.

Halfway through this third movie and about a quarter until four am, the audible snores of Penelope Garcia could be heard. Her head was leaning back and her mouth hung open, and Emily and JJ had to stifle their laughter as to try not to wake her up. JJ took the remote and muted the movie, leaning her head against Emily’s shoulder. 

“Can I just crash here, too, Em?” JJ asked.

“Of course.”

The two sat in silence for a moment before JJ spoke up again. “Can I tell you a secret?”  
Emily knew JJ was at least a little tipsy, because she’d never been the secret-sharing type.

“I’m bisexual,” JJ whispered with a smile, resting her head in Emily’s lap again.

“Good for you, Jayje.” Emily replied almost bitterly. She was exhausted and didn’t want to have to think about her own sexuality at this time.

The room went quiet again. “Have you ever thought about what it would be like to kiss a girl?” JJ asked.

“All the time, Jayje.” Emily replied in the same tone of voice. She was not in the mood for these questions, she just wanted to sleep. She began to get up to turn off the movie but JJ pulled at her shirt, stopping her.

Only being able to see by the dim lighting of the TV screen, Emily didn’t understand what JJ was doing until she felt soft lips against her own. Emily sat there, frozen at first, until she gave into the kiss, losing her hands in JJ’s long golden hair.

When they broke apart for air, all Emily could think was, so that’s what it’s like to kiss a woman.

She was going to say something to JJ, but she blonde was already asleep, her head pushed up against JJ’s thigh. Sighing, Emily leaned back too, and was asleep within a matter of moments.

4\. Homosexual

The man’s hair was a sandy blond and his eyes were a twinkly blue, but that’s all Emily knew. He’d introduced himself after buying her a drink, but she’d forgotten it seconds after that. He was a flirt, and Emily was easy interested. 

She allowed him to take her home, and before dropping her off, he pulled her into a kiss. “Call me,” he said, flashing her a smooth wink and a grin. 

She kissed him back, but she was unsatisfied.

She didn’t feel any release, any excitement, and she wasn’t sure if that was just because she wasn’t interested in him or if it was something else.

His skin was too rough, and his stubbly unshaven shin scratched against hers. His hands were too strong and too controlling, and Emily found herself craving a lighter, gentler touch.

When she got inside, she was unhappy. She’d only had a couple of drinks, so she was sure she was sober, but that wasn’t what was bothering her.

She was questioning her sexuality again.

This time it was more obvious. She didn’t need any list to tell her what she was.

“I’m gay,” She said tentatively out loud, even though she knew no one would hear. “I’m gay.” She repeated, this time more confident.

She collapsed into bed, pushing all thoughts of the blond man out of her mind, and her head filled with pictures of JJ. But when she woke up, she didn’t remember.

It was another one of the mornings where she went straight to Garcia’s office. This time, without any hesitation, she blurted out, “Penelope, I’m gay.”

Penelope jumped out of her chair towards Emily and pulled her into a hug, practically squealing. “I’m so happy for you!!!” She exclaimed.

“Who else knows?” Penelope asked when she broke away from the hug.

“Nobody,” Emily replied. “I didn’t realize it until last night.”

Suddenly, Penelope went running down the hall and through the bullpen as fast as her platform heels could take her, straight up to Hotch’s office. “Wait, Penelope, what are you doing?”

Without knocking, Penelope burst into Hotch’s office and Emily ran up behind her. “You and Rossi both owe me ten bucks!” She exclaimed.

“You were taking bets on my sexuality?!” Emily exclaimed, as Hotch sighed and handed the blonde a ten dollar bill.

Penelope didn’t at all look ashamed. “Maybe,” She said quickly.

Emily wheeled around. “And you were in on it too?” She said to Hotch.

“She made the bet,” Hotch answered, giving a rare smile.

“I cannot believe you guys.” Emily sighed.

“Now let’s go find JJ,” Penelope brought up. “I saw you two the other night. Didn’t you notice I’d stopped snoring?”

Emily ignored this as Penelope dragged her off to JJ’s office and instead thought about other things. “Wait. Is that why you were so interested in my sex life?”

“Maybe,” Penelope peeped out. “Now shut up. You have things to tell JJ.”

Emily sighed again and rolled her eyes.


	2. The Four Stages of Emily and JJ's Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally back with a sequel to The Four Stages of Emily Prentiss' Sexuality!! Sorry it's two years late :)

1.

If one were to ask Emily Prentiss if she had feelings for a certain blonde coworker, she would be quick to deny it. But that didn’t mean she’d never thought about JJ as more than a friend. She didn’t usually dwell on the kiss they’d shared, though; she blamed it on tipsiness and the fact that it had been nearing 3 AM.

But right after Emily had come out to Garcia, (and, in turn, been outed to the entire team) Penelope had insisted on planning a girls’ night. And since it had been at Penelope’s last time, it was JJ’s turn to host. Emily knew exactly how this was going to go. Penelope would find some excuse that meant she wouldn’t be able to come, leaving JJ and Emily alone together. Emily went along with the plans anyway. What was the worst that could happen?

Emily arrived at JJ’s apartment right on time that night. As JJ welcome her in, JJ said, “Oh, Pen called and said she won’t be coming tonight. Some emergency with one of her cats, I think she said. So it’s just you and me tonight.”

Slipping off her boots, Emily answered, I bet her cats are just fine. I knew she’d mysteriously cancel.”

“What makes you say that?” JJ replied, heading towards her couch. Emily, following close behind, wanted to sigh.

But then she thought, why not be blunt? JJ had already shared her secret, maybe it was her turn. Despite Penelope’s intentions, Emily had never come out to JJ, and JJ didn’t seem to be involved in the bet. Plus, by being straightforward, it kept the conversation from growing awkward.

“Because the other night, I realized I’m a lesbian, Penelope saw when you kissed me, and she’s going to do everything in her power to make us get together.”

An amused looked crossed JJ’s face as she said, “I see.”

Emily didn’t know what to say after that. All she could think about was how badly she wanted JJ to kiss her again.

Evidently, JJ had the same idea, as she stepped forward and closed the space between them; meeting Emily’s lips in a kiss just as passionate as the first one had been. Emily pulled JJ in even closer, one hand on the small of her back.

Moments passed before either one of them thought about stopping. JJ was the first to break away, but only to say, “You know, most couples would go on a few dates before making out.”

“So go to dinner with me,” Emily replied.

With a smirk, JJ said, “Fine,” and leaned back in to Emily to steal more kisses.

2.

The dinner date was scheduled for a week later, at JJ’s favorite Italian restaurant. It was a relatively formal restaurant, and Emily was eagerly awaiting it. She didn’t want to wait an entire week. Of course she got to see JJ every day at work, but the two never got to be alone.

Neither of them had told Penelope anything yet. They were unsure of where this was going or even if it would last, and they didn’t want to get Garcia involved too soon. Even if she would inevitably be ecstatic about their relationship.

The evening came, finally, and Emily felt her nerves growing. She couldn’t tell why she was nervous; this was hardly a first date if she and JJ were already close. It wasn’t like she was meeting some stranger. She’d chosen to wear a red dress that she knew JJ was going to love. But this was her first date with a woman, and she couldn’t help but stress a little bit.

She later picked up JJ, who was dressed in a short black dress and had curled her hair into thick waves. Speechless at first, Emily managed to say, “You look beautiful.”

JJ smiled softly and said, “You do too,” and then it was off to the restaurant they went.

Once they were seated, at a window table in a quiet corner, JJ said, “I’ve only ever dated a couple of women before. But it’s been a while.”

“You’re my first,” Emily replied, a little hesitant to talk about her sexuality in public. She was nowhere near ashamed of her sexuality or the fact that she was on a date with a woman, but she was still wary of how other people might react.

The conversation shifted away from their dating history once they ordered, when Emily brought up Penelope.

“What did you mean by Penelope wants us to get together?” JJ asked.

“She never told you anything? She was the one who made me start questioning my own sexuality in the first place after she told me she was pansexual. Ever since then she kept inquiring if I liked girls or if you knew.”

JJ shook her head, smiling. “I guess she was right about something all along, because here we are now.”

“And I couldn’t be more grateful.”

On the way out of the restaurant, JJ took Emily’s hand, and Emily instantly felt much more comfortable.

”Alright, my place or yours?” Emily asked when they reached her car.

“Mine.” JJ said with a small smirk.

JJ had set out a bottle of wine for when they returned, as well as planned to possibly watch a movie. But most importantly, she had planned to do something she’d been waiting to do for ages.

She poured them each a glass of wine that they took to the couch, when JJ decided to abandon the movie. Instead, she asked, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Emily broke out into a large smile. “Of course.”

And between the kissing that followed and the wine, Emily never made it home that night.

3.

Emily was distraught because things had been so, so good. And now they were over as quickly as they had started, and it was all her doing.

She hadn’t wanted to rush. She felt everything was moving too fast; between figuring out her sexuality and then dating JJ just the next week. It left her with hardly any time to think about things. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to have a girlfriend. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for the world to know about that part of her.

But JJ was ready for all of it. She was ready to move forward and maybe even settle down, whereas Emily wanted to take things slowly. And that’s what caused them to split, Emily wasn’t ready yet. And of course, she didn’t know why she wasn’t or even when she would be ready. She knew she wanted to be with JJ. She couldn’t explain her hesitation.

And of course they’d gone and gotten Penelope involved. There had been a shriek and a “I’m so happy for you guys!” which made it all feel too real. When a relationship exists outside of you and the person you’re with, it can get hectic. Even though Penelope knew, Emily didn’t want the rest of the team to know. They didn’t know if there would be any sort of protocol that would prevent members of the same unit from being in a relationship. She didn’t want it to get too official. And she certainly didn’t want to be pointed out as something like ‘the lesbians in the BAU.'

Once Emily started losing sleep over JJ, she knew she needed to talk to someone. And there would be no one more willing to listen than Penelope.

“I think I’m in love with her,” Emily said to Penelope, safely hidden in Penelope’s office.

“Then you have to tell her that,” Penelope replied. “It’s no use telling me.”

4.

When Emily showed up at JJ’s door, all the blonde did was raise her eyebrows.

“Thought I was moving too fast for you. All because I wanted to come out to the team.” JJ said.

“You were. But I needed to think, and now I know how I feel. If you want to come out to the team, then we’ll come out to the team, because it’s going to have to happen eventually. Especially if we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.” Emily knew that saying this was a stretch. She didn’t know if JJ was still angry or not.

JJ’s face softened, and she looked almost hurt. “How do I know that you mean this, and you’re not going to run away again the next time it gets hard?”

Emily’s heart raced, but this was the perfect moment. “Because I’m in love with you.” She paused, and when JJ said nothing, Emily continued, “And if I’m going to be with you, then I have to accept what you want to do too.”

JJ stepped closer. “We can compromise. We don’t have to come out to the team just yet.”

“So there’s still a ‘we?’”

JJ pulled Emily into a tight hug, and whispered, “There’s still a ‘we.’”


End file.
